Pregnancy Blog 2 - Body Image

I think fearing your body changing throughout pregnancy is fairly ‘common’ (note: this doesn’t mean it should be). We grew up in a culture that praised tiny bodies and so actively accepting the opposite is hard. I mean, how many times have you heard someone say that pregnancy ‘ruined’ their body in one way or another? It’s a fairly common dialogue, and it is one that creates fear. Maybe you even considered NOT having children so you wouldn’t have to go through that? I’d be lying if I said the thought hadn’t crossed my mind. I wasn’t sure I could handle the changes - especially postpartum (we’ll get to that in another post) but when I sat back and thought about what I would regret most, and I knew it would be not trying.

I found the changes to my body easier than expected at the start. My (triplet) sister was pregnant at the same time as me, and I know she found the initial changes harder than I did, which I don’t think anyone expected with my history of anorexia. But part of me wondered whether it helped that I had been working on accepting weight gain though my ED recovery for years, and so I had the tools to cope:

8 things to help on hard body image days…

Choose comfort: cosy jumpers, your partner’s t-shirt, a floaty dress… It is not about hiding. But accepting you feel uncomfortable today. (I LIVED in THESE leggings my entire pregnancy - I just bought one size up)
Nourish yourself anyways: what harmed you can not heal you - restricting can fuel harmful beliefs and behaviours.
We love the things we care for: spend an extra moment in the shower, moisturise, nap, read a book...
Honour what your body does for you: make a list.
Do the things that make you remember that life is bigger than your body: read, skateboard in the sun, laugh with friends, practise handstands…
Be objective: speak in facts vs using opinions. Instead of: ‘I’m gross’, try ‘I’m experiencing feeling XYZ’.
Is this your default? Is negative self talk & a ‘bad body day’ a habitual voice?
Remember you are not your thoughts. They WILL pass. What keeps us ‘there' is continuing to let the circuit run; overthinking, fighting or trying to ‘fix’ things.

I had also decided not let this time of my life be tainted by the fear and negativity. EDs are in part genetic + frequently passed from generation to generation. I want the cycle to end with me. THAT was another one of my tools. As was reminding myself of the impermanence of these changes… as was reducing body checking, leaning on my sister for support, and Gareth being THE biggest hype man.

However I would be lying if I made out like pregnancy didn’t challenge me at all. Personally, I found the last two months the hardest as I wondered how much bigger I could get. (Some people actually find this part the easiest and really love their bumpy, this is just my own experience). My belly was measuring ‘big’ on the fundal chart (if you don't know, imagine a tape measuring from the top your bump to the bottom). And although it has been found to be a pretty inaccurate way to measure a baby, I still felt a lot of shame. Had I eaten too much? Not moved enough? Had I done something wrong? I had started to worry a lot about stretch marks.

Actually… let’s talk about stretch marks for a sec.

You might be told a lot to ‘embrace’ your stretch marks because they are part of bringing you your baby. And I agree. Now Noa is 2 months old I would do anything for her. But 1. It’s okay to not want them. 2. You cannot comprehend the love you’ll have for your baby before they are born and so it’s hard to make sense of that idea.

That being said, we cannot get mad at ourselves for something so out of our control. You haven’t done anything wrong if you get stretch marks. It is NO reflection of you (repeat that). I think a large part of hating stretch marks again lies within the idea that pregnancy ruins our bodies. So perhaps the work isn’t so much, ‘how can I prevent stretch marks’ but instead is, how can I find more worth outside of my body?

Make two lists:

+ How can you be more gentle with yourself? (For example, rest, nap, wear comfy clothes, call someone you love, get an early night)

+ What reminds you life is more than your body? (For instance, picnics, the ocean, skateboarding, yoga)

ALSO read THIS post, it’s really interesting and you might find it a helpful way to understand why we often have body image worries in the first place.

For me, I found it helped to consider what was within my control vs what I needed to surrender to. Whilst I couldn’t control for stretch marks I could use bio-oil 2x daily (I also used this but it was expensive so tended to mix and match). And although I couldn't control how my body would change, I could work on that not affecting me in the same way or feeling so important. And you know what? It feels really good to choose life first.

As a final note... if someone tells you ‘it’s the last two months you really get big’ (or insert comment on your pregnant body) politely tell them that maybe that is true for them or someone they know but that all pregnancies are different. I barely noticed any changes in those last two months. No one can predict how you body will change.