PREGNANCY - POST 1

I wanted to make this series of blog posts for a whole host of reasons, the main one being that I found a lot of my pregnancy/postpartum journey HARD and whilst I know no two stories are the same, my hope is that by sharing my experience I might be able offer some reassurance, comfort and/or advice. I decided to write them here on my blog because I am a big believer that you should be able to choose whether or not you want this information. If there was one thing I have found throughout this journey it is unsolicited stories and advice comes FREQUENTLY, and more often than not it feels harmful rather than helpful.

Okay…

Let’s dive in… pregnancy.

It took Gareth and I longer than we had expected to get pregnant… or maybe I should say ‘longer than we had hoped', actually it was exactly what I had expected. For anyone new here (hello, welcome!) I developed anorexia at 14, and struggled with that for the best part of 15 years. The longest string of ‘regular’ periods I have had in a row (ever) is three - not exactly an indictor of good fertility.

I was booked in for a doctors appointment to discuss the ‘next steps’ when I took the test.

‘It would be really embarrassing if I was pregnant’, I joked, as I unwrapped the pregnancy test.

I hadn’t had my period yet this month, but since that was normal it didn’t mean anything. I peed on the stick, popped it on the side and started getting ready the day. I used to anxiously stand over the test waiting for a line to appear, but by this point I felt sure I knew the answer. However when I went back to the basin a line had started to appear. Oh my god. I ran downstairs to Gareth.

‘Is that a line?’ It was barely visible. ‘I’m not sure’ he replied.

To cut a long story short, I took three further tests. The next two both void (of all the times!) So, having run out of my stash, I asked Gareth to bring me another one on his lunch break, ideally one that clearly lay out the words ‘pregnant’ or ‘not pregnant’. When the words ‘pregnant’ slowly appeared on the screen we stood in the kitchen in complete disbelief.

I wish I could offer more help or tell you more about the things that helped us conceive, but it’s such a fragile, complicated thing. I had gained weight, I was working a lot on stress management, and I had been put on thyroxine after being diagnosed with an under-active thyroid. I was also working with the dietician Rachel Anne Hobbs, who does offer hormone health and fertility consultations.

'SYMPTOMS'

There were two symptoms I experienced before finding out I was pregnant: 1. A strong aversion to coffee (SOB!) 2. A lack of strength and a lot of fatigue when running and weight training. I’d thought both were a bit odd, but put them down to a weird phase and figured they would pass.

The next symptom to pop up was nausea. I felt (and often was) sick from the moment I woke up until the moment I went to sleep for about 30 weeks (most people’s last 12-16). If I am honest (don’t hate me) nothing really helped. All I remember is feeling like it was never going to end. A lot of people suggest eating little and often, or permanently having plain biscuits on hand to nibble on - but I didn’t find it made much difference. I think my biggest piece of advice would be to sleep as much as you can, drink lots of water and listen to your body RE what you want to eat. I know it’s easy to worry about not eating nutrient dense food, both for the baby and perhaps even for your body, but try not to make something that is already so hard harder, you know? I couldn’t even stand the smell vegetables cooking (no exaggeration). And so I ate a lot of very plain toast and granola bars. If anything, the experience helped my relationship with food. I had spent so long trying to ignore what my body was asking from me, and finally I was choosing to listen. It felt a lot like freedom.

NUTRITION

My only ‘goal’ nutritionally throughout pregnancy was to get enough food in and ideally to hit my protein targets. During the worst of my nausea I had to put the protein goal down but I still tried to eat adequate amounts. The thing is, when we have a lack of food our body and brain perceives this as a threat to our survival and so we enter “survival mode”. Here we tend to be irritable, fatigued, irrational and anxious (oh hey, hangry). In this place we struggle to connect with others and the world around us and irrational thoughts around food and our bodies are more likely to creep back in.

It wasn’t about ‘eating for two’ or being able to ‘eat whatever I wanted’ because I would have a ‘belly anyways’. It was about self care now and practice for the future so I can model a positive relationship with food to my daughter.

So how did I eat then? Exactly as I do now. With the goal of nourishing my body, feeling good but also choosing life and joy first.